Monday, May 1, 2017


Jus Just finished the series '13 Reasons Why' and feel the need to say a few things.

First things first: let's cut the taboo crap out. Okay? I'm going to be blunt. I have been suicidal.
I have been suicidal and depression is something I will likely deal with for the rest of my life

Its hard to read and even harder to write, but it's the truth and it's okay to talk about!

I have thought about ending my life with a gun.
I will spare you the details..|
but I knew how it would take place,
where it would take place,
I knew why and I was working on when it would take place.

Don't ask what changed, (because to this day I couldn't tell you) but one day something clicked. I got the courage to tell someone and this person convinced me
to talk to my mama (who also happens to be one of my best friends) and I got help. I'm a lucky girl who has a supportive family, amazing friends, and many wonderful angels in my life who listened and offered support.

That leads me to my second thought. You have NO idea what someone is going through. You have no clue how the little things you do and say...effect people. You have no way of knowing if someone is contemplating suicide or harming themselves or simply just struggling with day to say life...but you DO, have the power to love. You could possibly be someone's hero. You can be a listener. You can make a difference!

Third. If you are feeling lost, alone, and/or unsure about your worth, life or your purpose. I encourage you to take action. Ending it all is not the answer! I know from experience how scary it can be. I know from experience how much easier it seems to end it. I know what it's like to be at battle with yourself day after today. I know how embarrassing it feels to be suicidal for 'no reason'. But I also know from experience that there IS hope and happiness ahead. YOU are important. And your life matters!

We may not be close. But I am here for you! I have two working ears and a whole lot of advice. Write a letter, send me a text (801-995-5148), an email, make a phone call. No matter what you do, do not be ashamed of yourself. Get help! Depression and suicide are very real things. Getting better and loving life again is a very real thing as well! For me, God is very real. And for me, rock bottom was the perfect foundation for a new start. My roller coaster of life is currently going up. I have good and bad days. It goes down from time to time. It throws me for loops. But it's still moving and yours can too! Just know that someone out there is here for you and loves you and wants to help you. All you have to do is take the first step and help you. I promise there is a lot of good yet to come.

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