nine minutes, fifty nine dead

On Monday, I woke up to the horrifying news of what happened in Vegas. I spent most of the day feeling on edge and quite scared. Vegas is a good 6 hours away,  but it’s also SO close to home. 

“I was just there less than a year ago...”

“I will be staying at Mandalay Bay in December.”

“How does anyone feel safe? How are people supposed to carry on and return to normal life?”

I couldn’t help but google story after story while I tried to wrap my mind around how someone could be so full of anger and sadness and also so full of emptiness... to carry out such a plan. 

—

I spent most of the night at my house.. crying, watching body-cam footage and posts from people who were present and involved at the time of the shooting. I made myself physically ill listening to the videos of guy shots, crying, screaming and confusion. I couldn’t erase the sounds of utter panic and terror coming from the many involved. I couldn’t stop picturing the bodies, blood and horrifying aftermath of ONE humans choices. 

——

Tuesday... I woke up angry. The fear in me had subsided. I was furious with a human I didn’t even know. A human who doesn’t even deserve to be mentioned, named or called a man. Someone who was very likely, full of anger- and also full of nothing. He was getting what he wanted. He had more power over my emotions and feelings than I like to admit.

I realized that for someone like him, the outcome of this situation was likely very pleasing. 

People are and were scared. People are Mad. 

Angry. 

Fired up. 

He wanted to leave people hurt.

physically.

mentally.

emotionally. 

He wanted to fill people with fear and he succeeded.

But you know what? He also left this world a *little* better by removing himself from it. 

—

I’ve decided to stop being angry. I’m not going to be scared.

The bottom line is, we live in a world that is full of love and hate. Along with that, there is sadness and happiness. Anger and kindness. Fear and bravery. We can't have good without bad, or life without death.

And because of that, we have to choose what we want to focus on.

Mike Rowe made a really cool statement about the recent shooting:
“Isn’t it interesting how unknowingly we rub elbows with evil? How we share the highways and bi-ways with hollowed-out men and craven women whose capacity for wickedness knows no bounds?  I know these are not comforting words. There aren’t really words of comfort. The world is as uncertain as the people in it, and we share this rock with some very uncertain folks. But we also share it with living proof that hope will never die!

Take comfort in men who threw themselves over other people’s children. 

They are no less real than the killer, and they are still with us. 

Take comfort in the woman who loaded wounded strangers into her car and drove them out of harm’s way. 

Take comfort in the hundreds of first responders who risk their lives every day, and the hundreds of anonymous citizens who stood in line to give their blood. 

Take comfort in the fact all good people are shattered and you are not alone.”

So TODAY I’m choosing love. 

I am taking comfort in the fact that there is HOPE, FAITH and LOVE still on this earth.

I will have love for the people that died,

love for the people that lived, 

love for the people that protected, saved, and helped. 

I have love for the families that are affected, 

the for the ones that aren’t.

I will love the good people and show love for the bad ones. 

I have even found a small amount of love for the guy that is responsible and love for his family that he left behind. 

I love the fact that we have the power within us to choose and I love that we are all human and we are all capable of so so much.

There is already so much hate in the world and it is up to us to make more room for LOVE.